How I got Here

I just wanted to be deeply seen and loved.

That's what it really comes down to. I didn't need perfection. I didn't need someone who had it all together. I just wanted safe, steady love. Don't we all? Someone who would protect what was being built instead of tearing it down.

And for a while, I thought I had that.

He said all the right things. Talked about God. Quoted scripture. Went to church. From the outside, it looked like we were on the same page. Spiritually. Emotionally. Morally. I thought I had found someone who led with faith and would love intentionally. The love bombing was real. I mean, all the right things, all the surprises, the thoughtful dates, etc.

But what I didn't realize is that you can speak the language of faith and still live with a heart far from God [some of my views on religion have changed and I'll touch on that in another post.] I ignored the red flags. I silenced my discernment. I stayed in something that was slowly eroding my peace, my voice certainly, and my sense of self and safety. I wanted so badly to believe this was real. 

Eventually, the truth became undeniable. The same mouth that quoted scripture was the same mouth screaming at me (and my family.) The same eyes that had life became eyes that bore anger. And the "love" I was holding onto had nothing to do with Christ and everything to do with fear, lying, emotional whiplash, and false appearances.

Getting out was hard. Healing has been even harder. When you have been spiritually misled, it doesn't just break your heart, it shakes your foundation.

Here's what I learned: 
God never abandons us in our confusion. He gently leads us out. He doesn't shame us for being deceived. He restores us with truth. For this last year, I have heard that gentle reminder in my spirit, "You're still mine. Let me fight this battle."

And, well, that's how I got HERE.

Not because I made the right choices but because I finally stopped ignoring what I already knew deep down. I stopped trying to fix what God never intended me to carry.

I got here by grace. And now, I move forward with clearer eyes, a softer heart, stronger boundaries, and a faith that's been tested, MAJORLY but never taken.