Those 3am wake ups

I woke up from a dream and my mind started connecting old memories, the way it sometimes does at 3 AM. I couldn’t help but to start laughing. I do write majority of everything down for this reason, to look back on the truth. To not let my mind play games but just to see the truth and move on.

I remembered the day I found out my health insurance card had been shut off. I was standing there, being seen, and the receptionist kept telling me it wasn’t going through. I was confused, embarrassed, and honestly a little scared bc how long have I not had health insurance? Uhmm it’s illegal to be removed from insurance without prior knowledge and agreeable during a divorce. I had no idea what was happening.

Later I found out we know who had shut it down because someone at his department told him to. That’s it. No conversation, no warning, no thought about how it might affect me or Abram (we are a packaged deal). Just… “someone told me to.” The irony still gets me, a person whose job is literally to save lives cut off his own family’s access to care.

At the time, it felt awful. It wasn’t funny. It was one more thing in a long list of things I had to deal with

But looking back now? The absurdity is unreal. It’s that kind of ridiculous where your brain finally processes it and goes, “Wait… that actually happened? Yup, Ashley. That happened.

the only reaction left is laughter 😂

Not because it was funny but because I’m finally far enough away to see it clearly.

 

Sometimes healing looks like waking up at 3 AM and realizing:

I’m not in that anymore. I’m safe now. And wow… what a circus that was.