No one really prepares you for the kind of parenting that happens in the aftermath of pain—when you’re healing from betrayal, gaslighting, or emotional abuse, and your child is healing too. It’s not just about picking up the pieces of your own heart, but gently guiding theirs through things they never should have had to witness.

For me, one of the hardest moments was watching Abram step in when his dad was yelling at me—trying to protect me. His little fists went up, and his voice shook, but he told him to stop. That moment is forever etched in my memory, not just because it was heartbreaking, but because it made something so clear:

Our kids absorb more than we realize. And they carry it until we help them put it down.

This Isn’t Their Battle to Fight

One of the most important conversations we’ve had—and continue to have—is that this isn’t Abram’s battle to fight. He’s not responsible for protecting me. He doesn’t have to step into the role of peacemaker or defender.

Children should never feel like they have to manage adult emotions or dynamics. But when they’ve seen conflict up close, especially in the home, it’s easy for them to believe they should do something. That somehow, they’re part of the solution.

What they need instead is safety. Reassurance. And consistent reminders that their only job is to be a kid.

Helping Them Make Sense of What They Saw

Children process things differently than we do. They might not have the words, but they carry the weight. That’s why it’s so important to name what happened in age-appropriate ways. To say things like:

• “That wasn’t okay.”

• “You didn’t cause that.”

• “You’re safe now.”

• “Adults are supposed to be kind, even when they’re upset.”
  
  

It’s not about vilifying the other parent. It’s about helping them learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy behavior—and letting them know it’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry.

Healing Alongside Them

Healing while parenting is hard. You’re trying to model stability when you’re still trembling inside. Some days you’re patient, some days you’re short. But every day, you have the chance to show them what resilience looks like in real time.

You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be present.

It’s okay to say:

• “I’m feeling sad today, but I’m here.”

• “That was a really hard moment, and we’re going to get through it together.”

• “I’m learning how to heal too.”

What you’re doing is powerful. You’re breaking cycles, naming truth, and giving your child a foundation that looks different than the one you had to leave behind.

What They Learn from You

In these moments—messy, vulnerable, and real—your child learns:

• That love doesn’t include fear.

• That standing up for yourself is not rebellion, it’s wisdom.

• That leaving an unhealthy situation isn’t giving up—it’s choosing freedom.
  
  

And most of all, they learn that healing is possible. That people can grow. That safety is worth fighting for. And that their story is still being written—one filled with hope, not just hurt.