For a long time, I couldn’t name what I was experiencing. It felt confusing, invalidating, and exhausting. But over time, I began to see the patterns clearly—what I now understand to be narcissistic tendencies.

 

Here’s what I’ve learned about how narcissistic dynamics show up and what survivors often walk through:

 

 

What Narcissistic Tendencies Can Look Like:

(Not all have a clinical diagnosis—this is about behaviors and patterns.) 

  • Charm & Love-Bombing at first: They may seem magnetic, generous, or too good to be true.
    *For me, it was the flowers, the cards, the dates, playing guitar with cute songs, personal poems, talking for hours and hours*

  • Control disguised as concern: Criticism, gaslighting, or decision-making masked as “protection” or “help.”
    *My first remembrance of this was wearing a two-piece bathing suit at my own home and him saying something along the lines of I shouldn't wear a two-piece.* (That was before kids so I had a bomb body them too LOL 

  • Never wrong: They shift blame or rewrite reality. Apologies (if any) often include justification or manipulation.
    *Lots of stories for this but for me if I ever brought up the fact that I was uncovering lies, I had to end up having video or screenshot proof to show him* (I don't recommend this at all, I was gaslit so much I put cameras in the home because he lied so much. Don't do that. Having to do that, is enough evidence things aren't right.*

  • Triangulation: Pitting others against you to maintain control or manipulate the narrative.
    *I don't have any personal stories. We shared different friends. I won't make up a story to fit. I can't think of anything regarding this specifically.*

  • Punishment for boundaries: Emotional withdrawal, anger, or smear campaigns when you begin to pull away. 
    *Boundaries are huge. Anytime I set a boundary for myself, it was intentionally crossed to see if I would uphold it. If I did, which took a long time to learn how to accurate articulately a boundary, I was faced with "You're unforgiving, you're trying to control me!" 
    I have a great Instagram lawyer to refer you to if you need help with boundaries. 
    *smear campaigns are not victims sharing their experiences*

Stages of Waking Up & Healing:

 

  1. Confusion – You sense something’s off but can’t put your finger on it. You question yourself constantly.

  2. Awareness – You begin to notice the patterns and realize this isn’t healthy or normal.

  3. Grief – You mourn the person you thought they were, the life you hoped for, and even parts of yourself that got lost.

  4. Anger – You feel the injustice and how much it hurt. This is necessary and valid.

  5. Distance & Boundaries – You start choosing peace over pleasing. This is where healing really begins.

  6. Empowerment – You learn to trust yourself again. You reclaim your voice, your reality, and your future.

 

 

 

To anyone walking through this:

You’re not crazy. You’re waking up. And that’s the bravest thing you can do. Healing is hard—but it’s holy work. You deserve peace, clarity, and a life that doesn’t revolve around surviving someone else’s dysfunction.

Create Your Own Website With Webador