What I've Learned Thus Far

I used to think I was strong because I could endure a lot. But now I see that real strength is having boundaries, not just enduring pain, but refusing to stay in places that break me down.

For a long time, I didn’t have boundaries. I was more focused on keeping the peace than protecting my peace. I thought love meant giving more, fixing more, trying harder. I didn’t realize how much of myself I was losing just to hold things together.

I’ve also learned that when things felt unsafe or overwhelming, I would shut down emotionally. It was how I coped but it also kept me disconnected, even from myself. I’ve had to learn how to stay present in hard moments, to feel what I used to avoid, and to speak up when silence felt safer. The truth is, I knew I wanted to grow from this. I wanted to come out of this season more...wholesome. More grounded in who I am and what I believe and want in this life. I wanted to stop filling the void I had with people, projects, and tasks to avoid my true feelings. I wanted to acknowledge them, process them, change what needed to be changed about myself, and move forward in a healthier way.

I see now how often I tolerated things that didn’t align with what I truly needed. How often I gave the benefit of the doubt, even when the evidence said otherwise. How I clung to the idea of who someone could be, instead of accepting who they actually were.

But I’m not her anymore.

I’ve learned to pause instead of panic. Partially, thanks to anxiety medication. To create space instead of collapse. To do my best at understanding another point of view whether I agree with it or not. To notice when something feels off instead of brushing it aside. I’ve learned that my intuition is God-given, and I don’t have to apologize for listening to it.

And maybe most importantly, I’ve learned that I am worthy of peace. I am worthy of slowness, safety, softness, and love that doesn’t come with chaos. That’s what I want to build my life around now. Not survival but wholeness.